This is the second of two short fiction pieces I wrote during the first lockdown in the UK. The current restrictions reminded me about them so I am posting them now. The common theme is isolation.
41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 40..6, 40……7…… 48, 49, fiffffty.
I used to be chubby. Yeah I know right? I look at old photos sometimes. I go through phases. At times I often open up facebook and scroll back and look at what I was like, and then flick to what I look like now. Other times I can’t bear it and I go for weeks not looking. Just don’t like to see it sometimes, you know? I do look at myself in the mirror still, quite a lot if I’m honest. Ha Ha! Nah, I’m not vain, I just find it fascinating in a way looking at another person just ain’t. Not like looking at a fit girl, or the guys in the gym (when I’m spotting for them or whatever), or just passing people in the street and you look at each other but don’t stare. It’s different, dunno why but whenever I see a mirror I always look at my chin and cheekbones and eyebrows just to see them jutting out like that. Funny to say it out loud but there you go.
Anyways, I work hard, look good, it’s cause and effect innit. People sometimes ask me “Dude, how are you so jacked?” and I’m like “mate it’s easy, I just work shit hard.” Yeah they want something else, some short cut, but there ain’t one, just got to get to it. It’s tough at first, going to the gym after work, or running in the morning when it’s still dark and it’s just you and the blackbirds who have jumped the gun a bit. And then you gotta start saying no to things, like pints after work or an all you can eat buffet or even trips away if it messes up your program. Like I said, it’s tough, but it gets easier. Don’t take long for them to stop asking anyways, which I prefer really, don’t need to resist any temptations, you know, if no one is trying to tempt ya.
So most days after work I hit the gym (most, Ha! 7 days a week mate, I’m a regular, regular and proud of it), then it’s home for one of my low carb high protein dinners. Got bout three, on rotation; helps keep it interesting. Then I’ve got the evening to myself. It’s nice really, warm fuzz in my muscles from the endorphins, belly feels nice and warm from supper, so I just sit there feeling content. When it’s dark out I go online, check out the forums and my favourite YouTube channels, see who’s got new tips or tried the new pre-work out bevvie or whatever you know, keep my finger on the pulse (about 45 bpm if you’re asking, Ha Ha!). If it’s light I quite like to go for walks, or just stand by the window. It’s not weird, just watching the world go by you know? Sometimes I walk some place and see some shop or building I’ve never seen before, and that’s cool, or some people will walk by, messing around, taking pictures or just walking the dog, and that’s cool too. So yeah, mostly it’s nice. One thing though I’ll tell you that does annoy me is all these gorgeous women with well ugly boyfriends! Ladies, what is wrong with your eyesights!? Everyday I swear I see some fat, ugly bloke arm in arm with a 7 or 8 out of 10 (look I’m just being honest, you don’t see many true 9s and as for 10s, only in movies mate) and I can’t bloody believe my eyes. Shows what the world is coming to dunnit.
Me? Nah not got a girlfriend, not for a while now. I like girls, bloody love ‘em don’t get me wrong, but it’s just bloody hard meet the right type in this day and age. You know, attractive, nice tits, works out a bit, keeps herself in shape like. I don’t think it’s too much to ask, I keep up my end of the bargain, she should keep up hers. Yeah there are girls at the gym, but we don’t talk much, don’t want to pester them, let them work out in peace like anyone else. Of course, I’ll talk to them if they approach me, more than happy to provide pointers about a bit of kit or whatever, but doesn’t happen all that often. But that’s just women for you, society get them told they have to be all demure and coy, whereas I’m much more of a modern thinker. Yeah.
I don’t talk to the people at work much, men and women alike to be honest. Guess I’m “shy and retiring” Ha! It’s fine, better any way that I can listen to my podcasts (Joe Rogan is my fav) while working. Just getting stuff done, that’s me. Not sure what we’d talk about anyway, what do they do that’s interesting to me anyway, go out at the weekend? Pah. They can have it. That used to be me, go out with the lads and a drunken pull on a Friday or Saturday, and Sunday wasted in bed (not always alone though, whey!) before the week starts all over again. Pointless though innit. I’m much better now, getting stronger and harder ever week rather than pissing my hard-earned away. All about self-improvement me, at least I am now. Basically don’t drink anymore, so something I share with you and the other Muzzies innit! Sorry, meant Muslims, didn’t mean to be rude mate. Live round here do you? Heard it’s getting more expensive now, you must be doing well for yourself; alright for some. Yeah I’ve got a job, seem to know more and more guys who can’t find a bleedin’ job these days though. Guys on the forums mostly, decent honest hard-working blokes, family been here for generations, yet can’t find work for love nor money. It’s a crying shame. This you is it? Nah, I’m next stop. Don’t worry about my back pack, probably a bit heavy for you! What? Oh just some….. hardware, electronics, got it off one of the guys on the forum. Yeah it’s heavy, but as I said I’m strong and I can handle it. Don’t think I’ll be, eerr, making a return trip, with the bag I mean, any how. Alright, bye mate, have a good day. Might be seeing you and your Muzzy friend’s soon anyway, depends who is right on that particular theological matter, Ha Ha!
Evolutionary Ethology Lab 